Doubts and Assurances
by OpheliacAngel
Summary: "Tell me, Professor. Tell me we're going to save him." Written as a fill on my h/c bingo card for 'restraints.' Warnings inside.


**Title:** Doubts and Assurances

 **Author:** OpheliacAngel

 **Pairing:** Marty/Merrill/Murdoch

 **Genres:** Romance/Hurt/Comfort

 **Rating:** Mature

 **Summary:** "Tell me, Professor. Tell me we're going to save him."

 **A/N:** Written as a fill on my h/c_bingo card for 'restraints.' Post 'Love's Labours Not Lost.' This is essentially my head canon that Professor Murdoch opens his eyes and realizes that it wasn't just Merrill who helped save his life, but also Marty, which leads him to confront his feelings for both vampires.

 **Warnings:** Blood Drinking, Indirect Self-Harm, Starvation, Mild Sexual Content

* * *

If it was a dream then Murdoch couldn't know.

It had to be because his rational mind would never put the Experiment at risk like this. His rule that none of his night students would mingle with his human students applied to him as well. He was their teacher and he had to guide them, had to teach them to forsake all desires and blood lust and concentrate on defeating the Fury. Yet when he told himself to forsake all his own desires, all it did was go in one ear and out the other. Marty and Merrill had saved him against all odds. Merrill had put her own life in danger and when Murdoch had glanced up, once more coherent, there had been genuine shock to see Marty standing in the background, the last of his vampires that he would have expected. He had not come closer, not even when Murdoch had smiled at him. He had felt drained, barely alive, needing a nice warm bath and a few hours of rest, but suddenly none of that mattered to him when Marty wouldn't come closer.

It was then that Murdoch knew that Marty would never quite be the same.

Still, it was one thing for Murdoch to want to repay the favor and another to have Marty right here, beneath him, his body writhing in pleasure as Murdoch slid inside him. Marty gasped, eyes flicking open to stare at the ceiling, successfully avoiding Murdoch's gaze. He had not taken his eyes off the vampire even for a moment, determined to show Marty that he was one-hundred percent in this with him even if Marty wouldn't look at him in shame, in numbness, whatever might have been the reason. With no restraint of holding back Murdoch thrusted inside the vampire, seeking bliss for the two of them for a short time, but not before he placed a hand on Marty's cold cheek, bidding the vampire to look at him.

Marty never did and Murdoch never pushed further than that.

They all had needs: Marty, even Murdoch. That didn't mean Marty had to feel ashamed of them. It was another lesson Murdoch would have to teach.

When Murdoch had come, sensing Marty's distance for the entirety of their… session, he pulled away quickly and slipped on his bathrobe. There was a sense of shame buried deep in him, paired with the restraint that was making him reel as he stared down at his student. Marty's eyes were closed and his breathing was deep and even, but his face appeared gray to Murdoch and the Professor remembered now that he had been light when he had carried Marty over to his bed. Marty had been the first to share his bed and it was a better choice than Murdoch could have expected. Murdoch leaned over him, taking in his gaunt cheekbones and slim belly, watched Marty twitch violently in his sleep as if in the throes of a nightmare.

Murdoch secured his bathrobe and sat down on his bed beside the vampire. A hand stroked through Marty's hair, wishing the chill in the vampire away and shushing Marty every time he whimpered or twitched too heavily for Murdoch's liking. Marty must not have been feeding enough; Murdoch would have to keep a close eye on him to make sure he did.

His instincts told him that he had made the right choice.

Yet how was that possible given what Murdoch preached?

* * *

This was the third time Merrill had changed her seat since Murdoch had allowed them time during class to complete their essay instead of subjecting his night students to another lecture.

Marty seemed to settle down with this third seat change, sprawling out in his chair. His lidded eyes flicked down to his blank paper for a moment before glancing back up at Merrill, who was staring hard down at her own essay. A stare that was far too intense to be concentration. Marty sighed heavily, stared at her for a moment longer and then kicked himself away from the table, chewing on the end of his pencil.

Professor Murdoch cleared his throat and Marty glanced up, although he was the last of his students to do so. "Marty, would you come to my office please?"

Marty dramatically closed the lid of his notebook, placed his pencil in between his teeth and followed Murdoch upstairs. He settled down heavily in the armchair across from Murdoch's desk when the Professor gestured for him to sit down. Murdoch sat down along with him, crisscrossing his hands and laying them on the desk.

The young vampire squirmed under Murdoch's questioning gaze before offering explanation for his fidgety behavior. "Sorry, doc, just can't seem to concentrate today for some reason."

"If you feel you need to go to your room to get some work accom…."

"Yeah sure," Marty gathered his notebook and pencil before Murdoch could finish. Murdoch trailed off, fearing and knowing that Marty had taken his words in a different direction than he had wanted them to go in. "I'll just get out of everyone's hair."

The Professor knew Marty's behavior toward him had as much to do with Marty coming to him the other night as it had with the vampire's belief that Murdoch was somehow disappointed with him. Murdoch sighed heavily at both, could feel a certain melancholy begin to eat away at him.

He didn't chase Marty down or demand that he come back to his office. When he walked back downstairs Drew had departed as well, no doubt back to the quiet confines of his room. The other three students glanced up at him but when he gave no word they retreated back to their work. Murdoch knew full well of Marty's infatuation with Merrill and Merrill's lack of interest in her fellow vampire. He understood Merrill's reluctance somewhat; she and Marty were opposite ends of the same coin it seemed. Marty was brash and loud where Merrill was shy and quiet, though always spoke up and showed her dedication when something was brought before her that she believed in.

However, no one could be labeled. This fact had been brought before Murdoch for consideration once more when he came back to himself to find Marty hovering in the background. He had never seen the vampire so reluctant and so quiet. Marty was so much more than others made him out to be. There was pain in him and it was a wonder that Merrill could not sense this. She was so preoccupied in her disinterest in him that she had become blind to the very truth that proved otherwise.

Murdoch ran hands through his hair and breathed in deeply. He took his leave of the room when his remaining students glanced up at him in confusion.

His emotions were getting the better of him.

* * *

Marty seemed to avoid him like the plague then, as the expression helpfully went.

When Murdoch summoned the vampire to his office he would come, but there were always excuses that didn't match the ones in Marty's heart. Marty would sit in the armchair with his head hung low, wringing his hands, tugging on his disarrayed hair in a manner that always broke loose a small smile of affection to Murdoch's lips. Marty would sit and concentrate as well as he was able in class, though his efforts in winning Merrill over, while somewhat dimming, did not abate completely. There may have been less pressure placed upon her but there was no less fervor. Marty, who had once been believed to hold no capacity for dedication, had dedicated himself to a tragic task.

Murdoch could see the outcome as clear as day. He wanted to sit Marty down in his office and finally tell him what would come of his attempts. He didn't want to hurt Marty but he had always been prone to giving out the truth for those he needed it.

He was their professor and he was meant to guide them in whatever way he could. He could chastise Marty for focusing on something other than schoolwork, even though his grades did improve; or question his avoidance of social situations in favor of working on homework in his coffin, but somehow speaking of Merrill to Marty did not come quite so easily as it should have.

 _You could have me instead_ , Murdoch wanted to tell him. _I would take care of you. Love you as you deserve to be loved._

He needn't have even wished for it; Marty knocked on his office door one night and threw himself across Murdoch's desk and on him. His mouth found the Professor's and his hands grasped the Professor's ironed shirt and Murdoch had cared for nothing else in that moment. He allowed Marty to undo the buttons on his shirt and kissed the vampire back with as much feeling as he could place into one kiss, wishing to express all the things he had failed to put into words for weeks prior. His hands cupped Marty's head and ran through Marty's ravaged hair and pulled him down gently onto the desk.

Vampires shall not mix with humans.

Yet the Professor was the farthest thing from human.

* * *

They finally got down to the problem after that.

Marty's slimness and lack of energy could only be warning signs in Murdoch's fraying mind. He was out of his league where Marty was concerned and this frustrated him on a daily basis. He couldn't understand the depth of what Marty was enduring, nor could he even attempt to appeal to someone younger than he. It was true that by appearance their age gap seemed far; whereas, in reality it was a less of a distance. Still, the age difference loomed before him. He could offer so much to the vampire, yet it may not be enough in the face of what Marty was looking for.

Marty would never be strayed from Merrill's path. He had set more than just his sights on her, but his heart. Murdoch feared, no, knew, that there was no competing with that. He had felt love and been loved and witnessed the loves of others and his experience in this was numerous.

The love and affection he had for Marty, however, felt new. Not to mention powerful. It was this depth of power that convinced him that his feelings for the vampire were not fake nor childish. Something in his gut told him that there was something there. Something real.

Unfortunately, Marty mistook his interest and concern as disappointment. Murdoch schooled his face to resemble a fraction of his true intentions, anymore and he feared he would scare Marty away. Yet it seemed time for drastic action. Murdoch had kept a close eye on Marty's rations in the prior weeks and it was clear Marty was feeding little if at all. This behavior would have to stop, not just for Marty's benefit but for everyone's.

As Marty's teacher it was his job to guide the vampire, but his fear far outweighed his responsibilities. His fear that he would not be able to get through to Marty, the fear that only Merrill could and that there would be no way of getting her to do so. Marty and Merrill proved a good team from time to time, but Marty could not hope to breach the space between them, and while Merrill was the only one who could she had no intention to.

Murdoch once more instructed Marty to sit down in the armchair. He had pushed the chair closer before the vampire had entered his office, but Marty pushed the chair back several inches. Even though these were the first vampires Murdoch had ever taught, he had lived among others and thus, knew the habits and intimacies of vampires. For example, he could easily tell when a vampire was not feeding. There were not only physical signs but mental ones as well. Vampires who were starving themselves were thin, gaunt and even paler than usual, much like Marty was as he stared down at the floor instead of facing Murdoch. They were also anxious and fidgety, with a lack of energy and interest. While Marty had been keeping up with his homework there was little social interaction.

If Murdoch hadn't had such vested interest in the vampire he would have noticed none of these things. He would have merely seen that he was keeping up with his assignments and doing well on them and that would be that. The Professor kept a close eye on all of his students though, especially Marty.

He decided to get right down to it; approaching subjects easily didn't account for much of a difference in Marty's case so he would not continue trying. "If you continue to starve yourself your body will only become accustomed to it." Marty didn't look up, just fidgeted with his hands as they laid in his lap. All Murdoch could feel was a pronounced pang in his chest. The vampire could hardly keep his eyes open and here he was, interrogating him, about to force blood on him. But this had to stop. "Will you tell me what's wrong, Marty? Tell me so I can fix it?"

"Ain't nothing or no one to fix, doc."

Murdoch tried to bring forth some semblance of normalcy by crossing his hands on the desk, but his frustration and anxiousness easily caused them to fall apart and Murdoch brought them forcefully down into his lap. He wasn't a fool. Love could save no one. Even if Murdoch professed his love and devotion and even if Marty accepted it, and that was a rather large _if_ , it would not change his behavior. Marty had to be willing to alter his way of thinking.

"Not everyone ignores you."

"Merrill does," the vampire mumbled. Murdoch sighed and stood, wishing more than anything that he could reach out to the vampire. It was his job to provide guidance, with or without his personal feelings in the way.

Marty was becoming more out of it by the second. Eventually, Murdoch came forward, albeit at a slow pace, and knelt down in front of the vampire. His eyes were now closed, features sharp in the candlelit room. Marty stirred after a moment, eyes opening and looking up at him and Murdoch smiled back at him gently. Marty seemed not to register much, merely running a hand through his hair without trying to decipher Murdoch's heavy, meaningful gaze.

"Tired."

The vampire was always tired these days; Murdoch could hardly blame him. Little did Marty know how strong he was to have this restraint. If it were under any other circumstances Murdoch would be fiercely proud of him. Now he was fiercely worried and protective. "I know, sweetheart." He made a move to lift the vampire out of the chair, fully intent to carry him to his own bed where Marty would be more comfortable and away from prying eyes, unlike his coffin, but Marty looked up at him and Murdoch froze in place.

Now there was confusion overtaking the exhaustion. This was the time for Marty to heal, not for confusion. "Why did you call me that?"

"Because I care about you," Murdoch admitted honestly, leaving out all else he wanted to say. This was neither the time nor the place and there was no telling whether Marty would even remember any of this. It was more likely than not that he wouldn't, and Murdoch wouldn't blame him for that either. Even though Marty was foolishly doing this to himself.

He picked Marty up then, cradling him in his arms as he left his office and crossed the threshold of his bedroom. Merrill was standing there and her eyes were wide as she took in Marty. "What's wrong with him?"

"He's been starving himself," Murdoch said, barely giving her a glance. It was not his place to harbor such feelings of anger, but Merrill must know what she was doing to Marty. It was childish of Marty to push himself toward Merrill in the first place, but Merrill should have pushed Marty away if not intent to let him in. _Starving himself for_ you _, Merrill._ _In a foolish attempt for you to notice him so his worship of you is not in vain._ Accompanying his anger with Merrill was his anger at Marty. He was angry at Marty for doing this to him, for making Murdoch love him so much and worry about him unceasingly.

"I'm sorry," Marty mumbled, more out of it than conscious. He was fading far too fast for Murdoch's liking. "Can't feed. Won't… won't let me." This was the same as he had said earlier, although much more brusquely and more as an afterthought, and it did nothing to clear away Murdoch's fear and panic. Now it was made a bit clearer. "Body won't let me feed. Please. Professor?"

Murdoch didn't trust himself to speak again and not break down this time, so he merely rested a hand on Marty's forehead and glanced over at a distraught Merrill. "Will you help me tie him to the bed? If we don't get him to feed… it'll only get worse from here on out." Merrill nodded but said nothing, as if she was somehow afraid to speak. Murdoch had no doubt already given himself away. He knew full well his voice had been shaking but he no longer cared when it came to Marty. Marty was worth everything.

Marty was worth everything to _him_.

* * *

Murdoch kept the restraints as loose as he could. Soon the hunger would overtake Marty and he would be reduced to little but immediate self-preservation. That hunger would cancel out all else, he would hurt others for blood and he would kill for it. The longer Marty resisted, the harder it would be. Murdoch wished he understood that.

Marty wasn't a new vampire though, and he had to possess some idea of what would happen. Vampires could never starve themselves the easy way, not like humans. Humans could merely waste away until there was nothing left of them, but vampires were only in control of their bodies as long as they kept their hunger sated. Soon Marty would recognize nothing and no one, he would be a mere slave to that hunger, devour blood until he no longer craved it.

The Professor offered blood bags to Marty for most of the night and into the early morning. He would have Merrill go downstairs to fetch him the bags, and to put them away to keep them refrigerated when Marty refused. Marty had told him that the option of drinking was entirely out of his control, which was plausible given how long he must have gone without drinking. Even if he did drink his body would most likely reject the blood and quickly revert to phase two.

Murdoch wished Marty would at least try.

When he wasn't offering blood to Marty or forcing it as much as he felt he could get away with, he sat in a chair by his bed and watched him sleep. Occasionally he would read to him, even when Marty complained about his book choices. It was something to pass the time. Sometimes Merrill would sit down and take over, calm voice flowing across the pages. It was a surprise to Murdoch how much Merrill could soothe even him at times, her gaze and voice a balm to the turmoil that wrecked havoc on him, courtesy of Marty's present condition.

That was where he found her now, smoothing out her dress nervously as her fingers made to turn a page, pausing as the sentence came to a close. "Merrill, would you like me to take over?"

She glanced up, huge eyes taking him in. "Professor, I…." He leaned down and kissed her then, attacking her warm, moist lips with a fervor that was so like the one he had experienced with Marty. The guilt hit him head-on as he just started to relax into the kiss. Marty was laying beneath the two of them, unconscious, _breaking_ and here he and Merrill were, kissing, embracing, for Merrill wrapped her arms around Murdoch as if he was everything she needed. Murdoch wished she could need Marty too.

When he pulled away, the guilt tearing down his barriers, Merrill stared up at him in shock even though she had kissed him back. There were unshed tears accumulating in her eyes and Murdoch finally noticed that her hand was entwined in Marty's own, fingers carefully wrapped around it. Murdoch gasped and almost stumbled back.

It was a wonder he had not seen it before, but Merrill was in love with Marty.

"I didn't think," he started. He drew in a breath and paused, searching for the right words.

Merrill didn't move forward, doing so would cause Marty's hand to slip out of her own, but she did shake her head. "I didn't realize how much I care about him. How much I need him. Tell me, Professor. Tell me we're going to save him."

Marty stirred then, hand curling inside the confines of the restraint. Murdoch took pity on him and undid the restraints a notch, curling a hand in the vampire's hair. Merrill laid a hand on the Professor's shoulder, her other hand still in Marty's.

"Yes, Merrill," he finally answered. "We will save him."

* * *

Murdoch coaxed him back with a drink.

The first bag was not so successful: Marty spilled most of it all over himself. Murdoch waited, handing the second blood bag to Merrill when Marty seemed like he wanted to try again. Merrill climbed up onto the bed, adjusting the straw in the bag before coaxing it into Marty's mouth. Marty was much more successful this time, finishing near to half the bag before he laid his head back against Merrill, who ran a hand through his hair and handed the bag back to Murdoch.

Marty pulled on the restraints then, sending Murdoch a questioning glance. "Merely as a precaution," the Professor answered.

"When you finish a whole bag then we'll talk," Merrill echoed, teasing.

Marty groaned but seemed to understand. He watched Murdoch as he checked the restraints once more, making sure they weren't tight enough to chafe the vampire's wrists too much should he unconsciously struggle in them. They had been too tight earlier and he had rubbed some salve along the angry red marks curling around his wrists. He had second thoughts that Marty might perhaps have been more comfortable in his own coffin, given that it was somewhere familiar, but that didn't seem to be the problem.

"Look, not that I don't enjoy the pampering and all but, Professor, you should be chastising me for not getting my homework turned in on time and Merrill…."

"Yes?" Merrill smiled and glanced knowingly up at Murdoch. They had already agreed prior to ease Marty into this, they had no idea whether he would be willing to enter into a (tentative) relationship with Murdoch. Or that he would agree to share Merrill with Murdoch, and perhaps vice versa. The Professor would begrudge him nothing if worse came to worst, yet he could not help but get his hopes up at the sight of Marty looking so well again. There was color back in his cheeks and his appetite was growing and he certainly seemed uncomfortable under the attention of both Merrill _and_ Murdoch.

Marty huffed and Murdoch couldn't stop the swell of affection rising within him. "Never mind."

He looked down and tugged at his restraints until Murdoch laid a hand on his own to stop him. "Stop that," he soothed, and Marty looked up at him. Merrill leaned in closer, causing Marty to look over at her in surprise.

"What's going on? Is something wrong? That ghost friend of yours come back again or something?" His mouth twitched as it tried to form a smile.

Murdoch's heart ached to see Marty as uncomfortable as this, tugging on the restraints again as if he didn't quite realize what he was doing. He couldn't fear Murdoch, there was no possibility of that. His hand tightened on the vampire's. "Marty, Merrill and I were…." Merrill kissed Marty's cheek, her hand curling around his, the hand that Murdoch wasn't currently holding. "There are things that we have been discussing."

The convalescing vampire licked his blood-stained lips. "What things?"

"How would you feel about some time spent just between the three of us?" He was attempting to lessen the impact but he suspected that it wasn't working. Marty looked confused and tense and either Murdoch would have to undo the restraints or blurt out what was on both his and Merrill's mind. "How would you feel about a relationship?"

"You mean like a threesome thingy?"

Murdoch wanted to put his head in his hands and will the world away. Marty wasn't mature enough to take this seriously, he shouldn't have expected so much. Except he knew that Marty was so much _more_ , that his doubts were lies rotting away in his chest. If he didn't give Marty a chance then he was the one at fault. "I understand if you need time," Murdoch reassured, his other hand clasping around Marty's. "I understand if this is not what you are looking for."

"Kiss me then."

Murdoch glanced up, taking in the smirk on Marty's lips. The Professor didn't know if he was imagining it, wanting to see things that weren't really there, but Marty's eyes were less glazed over too. "Excuse me?"

Marty scoffed. "Kiss me, doc. If this is your idea of foreplay then it's gonna stop turning me on in a second if you don't follow through and…." Murdoch certainly didn't waste time after the confirmed invitation. His hands cupped Marty's face and he pulled his head forward with unbridled anticipation and excitement, mouth smashing into the vampire's unceremoniously. He wanted Marty to know how much he had wanted him for all this time, wanted Marty to know that it wasn't a recent thing, that it wasn't forced. Marty kissed back but he soon started to sag underneath Murdoch. The Professor pulled back, eying him carefully. Marty grinned, shrugging off his concern. "Merrill, you getting in on this or not?"

"You're shameless, Marty." She kissed him, hand tugging on the restraints.

Murdoch made some affirmative sound that not even he could control. "Maybe we can make an exception just this once."

They kept the restraints on at first. Murdoch shared Merrill's enjoyment in doing what they wanted to a helpless Marty, then realized letting him lay back and rest while they did all the work would be quite a nice reprieve for him. Marty didn't protest, he was beautiful under both Murdoch's and Merrill's unwavering attention. Yet Marty's patience couldn't last forever, he pulled on and attempted to maneuver his way out of the restraints until Merrill undid them and Marty easily flipped her on her back, freed limbs holding her in place. Merrill managed to get one leg free and kicked him, turning him on his side as gently as she could. Murdoch laughed, quite enjoying the two vampires wrestle with each other until Marty grabbed the Professor's tie and pulled him down with them.

"I think we can make this work," Marty breathed, wrapping his hand more securely around the Professor's tie and pulling him closer to kiss him. Merrill was at Murdoch's back then, pulling off his jacket but the Professor was far too distracted by Marty's heated mouth to care.

Murdoch leaned back. He had certainly done good work today.

 **FIN**


End file.
